


Eavesdropping

by orphan_account



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: M/M, S06E06, Voyeurism, mclaren v cruise ferry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 14:34:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2113569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a cameraman, you see a lot of things you never thought you would. You see a lot of shocking things, a lot of hilarious things, a lot of things that never make it onto the show.</p><p>One thing you don't expect, though, is to hear things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eavesdropping

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: i am but a lowly student, not a cameraman for the bbc. this is fiction etc etc

As a cameraman, you see a lot of things you never thought you would. You see a lot of shocking things, a lot of hilarious things, a lot of things that never make it onto the show.

One thing you don't expect, though, is to hear things. Usually you're so preoccupied with the visual that you don't catch most of the audio. That's the sound man's job. But the sound man gets to sleep pretty easily. I don't.

After we had shot the shot of the two of them in separate beds, bunk beds, doing their pre-written conversation with each other (well, I say pre-written, but they had just had the conversation off-camera. They had to repeat it so we could put it on the show), sound man and I went to our room - right next to theirs, which was good for us and our laziness. To be fair, we had had a long day.

Sound man fell asleep as soon as he got into bed. He's lucky that way. He can just fall asleep and be out for the rest of the night. I'm not so blessed. I take at least half an hour, even when I'm knackered. Which is how I heard them talking. And moving around. Hushed voices, and, being a nosey bugger, I pressed my ear up against the wall. Everything was hissed, and whispered and then I heard what was quite unmistakably a moan.

Now, I know fine well that good men should not listen in on people shagging. And I am, usually, a good man.

But this? This was... interesting.

I couldn't hear too much, not distinctly. I could pick out occasional words, but not much else. They said each others names, which was just so much more intimate than I could have imagined. Just hearing both of them breathing, moaning them was... quite sexy, really. I had a bad feeling that I'd not be able to look either of them in the eye come morning but there was no point in stopping my eavesdropping. Not now.

Sound man was still asleep – he always snores - and I prayed he would remain that way. He has the biggest mouth imaginable. I certainly wouldn't tell anyone. Well. Not where I could be identified. Not the papers. Not the rest of the crew.

There was a far louder moan, then the sound of slapping, and, a few moments later, a thump on the wall I was pressed up against, then nothing. I assume whoever made the moan got a hand unceremoniously clamped over their mouth, but that's just conjecture. I jumped back at the thump, rather stupidly thinking that they would sense me (and they would probably fire me, or have me thrown off the side of the boat if they knew I was listening), but I put my ear back up against the wall, heard more snippets of conversation, mostly about their co-presenter (“he definitely couldn't shag in that car”), and what was going to happen the next day, and I'm sure I heard something along the lines of "oh god we're mental for doing this". I heard a kiss, then more movement, and the words "goodnight, mate" came from above me, and then nothing.

I lay back, even more awake than when I got into bed, my head pounding with adrenaline rush. I noticed with a start that sound man's snoring had stopped and was forming my plan to cut his tongue out and his hands off so he couldn't tell anybody what I had just heard, when he moved and snorted and started again.

So. That's how I found out that they were shagging. I watched them closely from then on. I've even watched reruns on Dave, especially the episode I was filming when I heard it, just to see if it's ever been obvious, but they've always bantered just the same. Nobody else has ever seemed any the wiser.

I've not been in a room next to them since then, but I'm not sure I want to be. I've intruded enough. I hope to god they don't get caught. And I'm certainly not telling.

Well. Not anywhere anyone will believe me.


End file.
